Sta.sh
My name is Franklin Theodore. I am 27 years of age, and I organize activities in my local church. I once had a perfect life. I woke up every morning with a smile. I greeted everyone I saw. I helped people laugh and smile. And best of all, I come home everyday to my beautiful wife, Alice. But all this had been taken from me. The life God had given me for my loyalty was stripped from my hands. He stole the same happiness he had given me. God had punished me for being grateful to him.
I walk these dull, grey streets, and think about my life. What I had and what I lost. I remember the doctor speaking to me. He said there was nothing I could do but to pay the bills that keep her alive. Nothing more. It's alot of money, but it's for her, and so I have to do it. Hang in there, dear. I'm here for you.
I walk to the church I work at. I don't get much from it, but it will eventually be enough to save her. I think up some activities as usual, and people keep asking if I'm okay. I know I'm not, but I tell them I am, because I know they'd probably say something like "God bless you", when He caused all of it in the first place.
After work had finished, I watched everyone smile and leave, until I was alone again. Now it's just God and me. I sit down on the long wooden benches, press my forehead against the seat in front of me, and I pray. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry for accusing you of doing all this to me. There's probably a reason for all of this, I know. But what is it? Tell me". I pause for a moment, and I sigh. "Just... Please help me out of this mess. Lend me a hand. Let me be with her again". I stay silent for a while, and wipe my eyes with my sleeves. "Please."
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First, you shorthanded twenty-seven into '27'. In formal writing, this is a big no-no. No-nos equal big red x marks on papers that make one very sad. Also, directly after this, you have a series of four sentences that start with the same word-- namely, "I". You managed to use that word to start thirteen sentences in that whole block. This can be fixed by pushing sentences together and combining them, thus diminishing your "I" count.
Second, I like Franklin's turnaround quite a bit. That's something that you don't see in every story. (see, I told myself I needed to give you time!) It reflects well the emotional impact of such an event. Thumbs-up for that!
However, I must question the sanity of your teacher. A two-thousand character limit on a short story? You're shitting me, lady and/or sir, that is not enough to write a fully developed story.
I don't know how I'm going to compress the I's. ;__;
Oh cool! xDD Finally, a compliment! xDD
Well, it was originally actually going to be one thousand pages. >.>